Thank you Jesus!
En este espacio quiero compartir ideas, pensamientos y reflexiones sobre cuestiones que mantienen a mi mente ocupada la mayor parte del tiempo. Te invito a reflexionar conmigo...
Here I am again after 15 months of not posting anything here. The reason is that I started another blog in spanish that has been taking most of my time.
What the hell! I just don't have too much to say, except that all of a sudden I felt the need to write something on my blog. Sometimes I have a hard time trying to let out what I really want to say. It's like some sort of fear that I hate really bad.
To sit down and do nothing but to roam through my inner world. That’s what I’d like to do for the rest of the day. Maybe starting some fire right after the sunset on my new firepit will work fine. I have always enjoyed watching the fire burn, the heat, the smell, the sounds… It relaxes me.
"If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas."
We are a product of balance and equilibrium. Have you ever noticed how fragile life is? Just think of what would happen to any of the little plants inside your house if you'd suddenly stop watering them. They wouldn't survive for too long if you forget about them at all. What would happen if you'd let them out in your patio exposed to the hot summer sun rays or the cold winter frost?
Well, I'm back after a long time of not writting. I've had a lot of work and little rest. Weekends have become working days for me. At night I do noting else but think about the things that I have to do at work the next days. It sucks.
Sometimes I think that I got stuck in adolescence. I don't like to follow orders from no one. I am rebellious. I hate rules. I'm always questioning why do I have to do things the way someone else says they have to be done.
I have too many defects, and this is one of the worsts because it has caused me a lot of trouble.
I remember that long ago in a work interview I had when I was looking for a place where to do my professional internship, the HR guy asked me what were my main virtues and defects. I mentioned back then, that one of my biggest defects was that I didn't like to follow rules. I was young and stupid. I thought that I was going to do great because I was honest with my answers. How wrong I was. Everywhere you go, rules have to be respected and procedures have to be followed in order to succeed. Even though I now know all of this, I still feel reluctant to do so. Of course I didn't get the job that time.
I think I never passed that difficult phase of my life. When I was a teenager, I used to be so defiant towards my parents and the world around me...
Maybe I need professional help, because I think I know what's wrong, but I don't know how to fix it.
In working to make a living, it is amazing to realize that what makes people outstanding, is just the fact that they simply do what they have to do on the right time. That's it.
Living under stress is not a good thing. This last days I have felt so miserable that I hardly rest at night. Bed time is supposed to be a moment to rest and forget about the world, but when I'm under the effects of stress I hardly sleep. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and when I look at the clock I realize that there's 4 more hours to go before the time I usually wake up every day (6 AM). When this happens I cannot go back to sleep again and it frustrates me a lot to know that the following day I will feel like crap at work for not having a good sleep.
While I'm awake in bed this early, I think about a lot of things like work, my family, God, Things that I have to do the next day, and all sort of weird ideas about how I perceive the world, which makes me wonder if I have lived my life in a wrong way.
I hate it when I can't sleep because my brain doesn't work fine the next day. My short term memory just vanishes away and I don't rationalize well. I spend most of the day with a weird feeling of numbness. It's horrible. When on this mood, I don't do things right nor take the best decisions. I really need to rest. This feeling of exhaustion is becoming normal for me and I'm starting to think that it is the culprit of my strange way of thinking.
The likelihood of going through the same the following night is high. Something needs to happen or I'll get crazy (yes, even more).
Without any doubt, my beliefs are very particular. Sometimes my acts and words hurt people. Sometimes they look weird to the eyes of others while my behavior seems normal for me. Sometimes I give the impression that I'm a good person and sometimes not.
I act and talk upon the things that I believe in, according to my truth, which in many cases is a lot different from what the rest of the world think. I'm conscious that my truth is not the same as for others. There's few coincidences and here is when Tolerance plays an important role in this game of everyday coexistence.
I wish I was more conscious of this matter in order to respect the beliefs of the people around me. Honestly I don't want to bother anyone. Pardon me for my mistakes.
and I'm here sitting on my stool at home writing today's post. Well, there's not much to say except that today, while me and my family were over at Walmart, I started to feel jealous. I realized how attractive my wife is. I saw it through the eyes of the men around staring at her. I felt that I'm too little for her. I don't remember feeling like this before. Is it my self-esteem going down? Gosh, I don't know! I just felt like crap beside her.
This is my first blog of the year. I feel good to start a new year. I hope this one will bring more satisfaction and joy into my life.
I have been reading about how we, as human beings, try to explain the so called reality of our everyday life. One comment in particular made me feel identified with. It stated that our brain keeps the information it gathers through our lives from what we learn in the form of a well organized matrix that we all use as a point of reference to interpret what we perceive through our senses for every single experience that we have. Such interpretations conform little by little our Surrounding Reality since the moment we are born.
We normally tend to judge every event with rules created from these interpretations, and even though everyone has its own point of view, there are common agreements regarding these interpretations that makes us share the "same" Reality and use the same rules.
Reality is a very personal experience for every single individual.
This is very interesting, and I guess you can see it when you visit places with a different culture. For instance, my personal habits as Mexican may look weird for a person who hasn't been around one, let's say, for example, a person from an isolated tribe in Mongolia. For him, I won't be behaving in a "normal" way compared to his customs, because he has not lived a similar experience before.
In situations like that, our tendency is to look for experiences closer to what we are living at the moment and come up with a rational explanation. However, that's just an interpretation from our mind, and the reality will turn out to be what the individual sees from his point of reference in a very personal way.
Something to think about, Don't you think?
My blog is turning 1 year old!
Today i don't have too much to write about. Just that it's been too long since the depression has hit me and I don't know what to do. I feel bad for not being able to say what I really feel. I'm chicken shit. Fear has always had control over my life. I hate it.
People don’t really own anything. I was watching yesterday on TV an interview to the owner of the Uritorco Mt. in Argentina. As I was watching the program I started to think that the Uritorco Mountain has been there for eaons and now there is this guy who has been on the planet for no more than 50 years claiming that he owns it.
The little details make the difference. In everything that we do, even the smallest extra thing that we do will leave a mark of who we are like our personal signature.
To be what a man can be. That's my commitment for today. But the question is still: Am I being all what I can be? What a deception.
I am so stressed right now as I write this lines due to work and everyday issues. Normally it takes a long time before I get mad at things that bother me. Today I had a parents meeting over at Raúl's elementary school late this evening. He's on the first grade and his teacher is an inept. That old lady is really dumb. It makes me angry just to think of her. How the heck did she become a teacher? I doubt she's capable of transmiting any knowledge. What makes me even more angry is that Raúl is not in a public school and I am paying for his education. I don't feel I'm getting what I'm paying for. This school we picked is not what my wife and I expected.
Nowadays, when talking about meeting people, we are not limited to meet them in “person” only. With the internet it is possible now to meet people from anywhere in the world and know what they think without the most minimum idea of how they look like. I mean, it is very easy to stablish communication and share thoughs, ideas, feelings, information, knowledge, etc., through forums, live chat, email, blogs, bbr, websites and so on.
Here I'm camping with my family: Silvia my wife, Raúl (6) and Eduardo (4). We are at the shore of the Huapoca River (Chihuahua). It was during 2005 "Semana Santa" when we spent a few days over at Ciudad Madera with my wife's relatives. We had a great time.
I am the sum of all that I think about myself regardless of what I want people to think about me. I am as successful as I want per the limitations that I impose to myself. I have not become all that I wanted because of my internal fears to fail. Why am I so frightened about failure? I don’t know exactly.
If you want something you can get it. All that has to be done is ask for it. If one never ask, then the possibility to get it dramatically drops down to near zero.
Once again life shows up as a fragile treasure we all portray. The other day at work, while I was walking through the aisles among the huge plastic injection machines, a thought just crossed my mind with an impacting certainty. All of a sudden I had the terrible certainty that the only sure thing about living is that death will arrive. Since the very moment something or someone is born, it is condemned to die, sooner or later, young or at an old age.
It’s rainning today and I like it. Here in Chihuahua, rain is not a common thing, and whenever we have it I feel happy for the good it makes to this dry environment that surrounds the City. The only down side is the traffic jams and accidents we suffer because of the lack of practice driving over a wet pavement.
Tonight I feel tired, and this is a good excuse to drink my latest favorite beverage: Chocolate Milk mixed with Bailey's. MMMM! It's just delicious. I'm in the mood for listening old music as I keep on writing. I'm listening songs like "High Flyier" from UFO, "Wish you were here" from Pink Floyd, "Stairway to heaven" from Led Zeppeling, "Wonderful tonight" from Eric Clapton and so on. Good stuff, ha!
There is one thing that everything on earth has in common: Being.
I've got the certainty that what we are is not only what we have made ourselves to be, but an accumulation right inside the very cells that we are made of, from our ancestors. Everything that they were is now us, every bit of information that their fathers and mothers gathered is now inside of us, this is how we live on in our children. Everything that we are at the conception of our children is passed on to them.
The efforts taken to make a living go to the trash when the ability to keep our perssonal life apart is lost and it superimposes over one’s job responsibilities.
Oh gosh! Hoy I love singing. Right now I am listening to an accustic version of the song "Yellow" from Cold Play and I feel inspired. If I didn't have any obligation towards my family, I'd probably take my guitar and go singing on the public transportation here in Chihuahua to make a living. Then, if I'd make it alright, I'd travel through all Mexico.
I still cannot comprehend why some people find delight on making other people feel miserable. It must be a way to spread the bitterness they carry inside. Perharps that’s what they were thaught during their childhood, that stage of life where the most of our personality is formed.
I feel happy today because I had the opportunity to see a friend that I haven't seen in a long time. We had a good time walking back through all of those good and old memories.
As I take a look inside me, I can see how naive I am to be almost 34.
Well, today I woke up early. I feel like cleaning the house now that my wife is out for a few days. It is my opportunity to do it my way, just how I like it. I'll perform a deep cleaning to the bathroom, 'cause right now there's a lot of mold, mildew and soap stains all over the place. The WC has a lot of tartar, it looks really filth.
Every one needs someone. All we are looking for is a little affection. A little is enough once one has faced the suffering of being ignored by the world out there.
There is people who has left indelible marks in my life when our paths have coincided.
A couple of weeks ago, when I was coming back from Detroit almost arriving to Chihuahua, as I was looking through the airplane window, I started to think about the relativity of things.
I'm pretty sure that most of us have witnessed at least once in our lives how fragile life is. When someone that we know dies suddenly, the fragility of life becomes more noticeable, as if we were blindfolded all of the time and then we are not any more.
We stayed at home the whole day. Silvia my wife has been feeling sick with a weird pain under her belly bottom, and Raúl & Eddy have been sick since thursday vomiting apparently with no reason. I guess they had something like that just last year during the change of seasson, it might be a virus out in the air or something like that. All I feel is just tired for these last sleepless nights.
Oh God!, Thank you for letting me be their father. Thanks for putting these kids on my hands to make good men out of them. Give me wisdom to teach them right, give me enough resources to make them grow up fine.
Well, today is the due date I set to myself to finish this Quinceaños video. I don't care if I have to stay awake the whole night working to have it done. I must finish it today. It is my internal commitment.
Who is the people that I like?
Today I feel not too good about myself. There's important things that I should be looking at or taking actions, but I do nothing about it. These are relevant things related to my life, my family, my house, my job and so on.
Not too long ago, when I was a teenager, I was deeply interested on spiritual and philosophycal matters.
Is it the same living 60 years in the country than 60 years in the city? I don't think so.
Yesterday I had an insight about the reality that I'm immersed within. It was very personal, so it's a little hard to describe it here.
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From time to time, depending on my level of sensitivity, I can feel how people feed from my emotional energy (or whatever it is) and viceversa.
I have been thinking about the importance of communication these last days. It can be as simple as spontaneously saying something nice (or bad) to someone or as complicated as writing a book. It can be done by e-mail, phone, radio, newspaper, tv, signs, internet, magazines, and so on. We all know that.
Last Friday we left for Juarez, it was late at night when we took off, and we drove for a little more than 3 hours.
As the day is comming to an end, I feel good about having a family. I am so proud of my children and my wife. They fill up my life with all of those things that could be listed in lots and lots of sheets of paper. Whoever is a father will understand what I mean.
It's good to be back home again. Life is teaching me in every little thing that shows in front of my eyes. I feel so thankful that God is everywhere and lets me perceive his omnipotence.
Hay quienes viven encadenados a un fracaso o a una herida que nunca deja de supurar. Son personas que se amargan hoy porque hace veinte años su madre no los quiso, porque no pudieron estudiar lo que querían, porque su pareja los traicionó, porque perdieron injustamente su trabajo, o lo que sea.
It's another Saturday. I'm at home alone again. Now is the time to let the mind loose as I drink this funny CHICHONA beers I bought at Ley's Store here in Chihuahua, cheap though. I may be drunk already :0)
Last week was very hard for me. I am going through an unfaithfulness situation here, when in fact I haven't been unfaithful at all. It's all a circumstance-blaming thing here that is spoiling my entire life at this moment. I hope I can get through this soon.
I know from the bottom of my heart that I am spotless, there's nothing I can be regretful of, I haven't sinned and God knows. Now I know the meaning of that well known phrase "it's not what it looks". Too bad it is happening to me now.
DON'T DO GOOD THINGS THAT SEEM TO BE BAD.
Take it as my advise to you now, believe me, I know what I'm talking about.
The other day I woke up in the middle of the night with a question on my mind. Does time really exist? As I started thinking about it, lots of concepts came from I don't know where. It was then that I decided to do some research on the internet.
The answer to this question is the following:
I'm writting back after a couple days of not doing so. Saturday and Sunday have been of real relax for me. I finally had time for myself. For instance, I spent most of Saturday with my ass sat on a stool surfing the internet, my most delicious vice after sex.
The beginning of a relation is relatively easy. When we approach people we certainly touch just the surface of their personalities. As the relation gets deeper it turns more complicated, thus we happen to know the other person better.
There are days when I don't understand what's going on around me. It's like I'm here but my mind is somewhere else. When I perceive the world like this I get a feeling of being alone even though I'm surronded by people, as if the world were stopping.
Time seems to be speeding up. Why are so many people in such a hurry? What would cause this to be "just the way it is"? It seems a bit odd to me that everyday I am surrounded by so many people in such a hurry. For what?
La imagen mental positiva de ti mismo realizará el prodigio de alcanzar logros sorprendentes. Retírate, cada noche, a visualizarte, durante media hora, realizando maravillosamente un propósito concreto. Graba en tu mente un vivo retrato triunfante de ti mismo. Mantén tenazmente ese retrato en tu imaginación. Si persistes en este ejercicio durante veintiún días, te sorprenderás del resultado positivo.
It's sunday afternoon. We just came back from the theather after watching the movie "The Incredibles". My kids and I really enjoyed it, as well as my wife.
Today I woke up in the morning a little bit sleepy after staying late the previous night reading other people blogs. It's interesting to realize that there's many people out there stating that their lives are a mess, or that they don't know what will happen with their lives.
Nos alivia pensar que nuestros hijos vivirán durante toda nuestra vida, que los amigos estarán a nuestro lado hasta el final... que todos los embarazos llegarán a término, que todos los bebés nacerán sanos, y vivirán por muchos años.
This time, I want to say something about a thought that roams within my mind trying to find an answer.
Does coincidence really exist? I have read and I believe that nothing in life happens by coincidence. I think that everything that happens around us happens because we need to learn something from it, that we attract the circumstances, that our thoughts are like magnets, but most of the times we are not aware of it.
Our thoughts make the basement of what our life is. First there’s a thought in our mind with the potential to become a word. When we express these thoughts as words, other people grasp the idea of what we are and what we think. Then we act according to what we honestly say from our heart, be it good or bad, and these thoughts become actions, which lead us to be in certain circumstances that determine the life we live.
We are what we think.
This way we meet people that think like us and some that doesn’t. As we start to build relations, we also start interconnecting with each other and things happen. When we are able to preceive the sincronicity between these events, we are developing a more counscious state of mind that may help us understand the purpose of our lives. This comes from what we call coincidence.
This things I’m thinking are just that: my thoughts. I’d love to know what other people think about the matter.
Algunas veces, las personas llegan a nuestras vidas y rápidamente nos damos cuenta de que esto pasa porque debe de ser así, para servir un propósito, para enseñar una lección, para descubrir quienes somos en realidad, para enseñarnos lo que deseamos alcanzar.
Alain of Lille (1128-1202)